WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
