Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you had me at cake vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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