i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize