I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
