Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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