I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
