Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
