Duck Duck Cougar?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
there is glitter all over my balls
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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