one two three fourrrrnication!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
