I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
