Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
