HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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