I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize