Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize