Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
