My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
