i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
