I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
