Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
