we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize