Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
