well I can't set my house on fire every night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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