When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
