my mouth tastes like poor choices
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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