Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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