The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
