he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You pole danced in your parka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
