i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize