I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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