I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
