sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
