she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
