dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
