i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
