he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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