i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
