Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
