my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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