my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
