I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
