It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
