Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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