Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize