our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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