Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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