I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
