he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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