Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize