the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
