Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
