There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
