I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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