you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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