Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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