just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
