I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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