They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
