Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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