i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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