Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
