not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Please don't give away my fajitas
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
