My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
