he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
