kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm at about main and main street
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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