so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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