i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
