every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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