i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
