I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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